Once a cheater Always a cheater?

What to think

So last night I found out my partner was in fact cheating on me... With not one girl but TWO! There could potentially be more, but as if I’d be able to find out now. I am absolutely sick to my massively pregnant stomach. Yes pregnant & he cheats, how lovely. I have no friends close that I can go see or talk to at best I have one that I can text & my twitter mama’s. I have no family that I can live with that is close my only option is Deep River with my mom which is a good 5 hour drive away. I spent a good 3 hours crying & trying to keep it quiet as I didn’t want to wake his parents & have to explain everything at 12:30 at night when everyone has to work in the AM. There is so much going through my head I just don’t know what to think. How do I get over this? What do I do about it? I am so unbelievably broken. I feel more alone now than I ever have in my entire life.

I keep asking why

Why? WHY? WHY?!?!?!? What is it that I have done to make him want to cheat on me? Before we lived together on the nights he would spend with me I would get up super early to make him breakfast before work, I would make sure there was a warm meal to come home to, I had bought things like men’s razors deodorant Ect. so he would feel comfortable when he was with me so it was like a second home to him. Now that we live together I do all that I possibly can for him, I constantly tell him how much I love him, how amazing he is, how much I appreciate everything he does for me. So why? It’s not like he is sex deprived... I want it... a lot. So I guess it makes sense as to why I wasn’t getting any. I just don’t know what I did to deserve this. Why he would do this to me still baffles me.

Does he even care?

I don’t even know if he feels bad about any of it. He couldn’t turn the god damn TV off to talk to me. He didn’t once jump to apologize or say it wouldn’t happen again. So how do I take that? He isn’t sorry & it will happen again? Or it’s just not going to stop? He claimed there were only 2 people he loves myself & his son. How do I believe that when he was able to do this to us? I asked him how long did you plan on doing this... his response “Not that much longer” ... WHAT THE FUCK ?!?! It shouldn’t have happened in the first place. I asked him if he has cheated on all of his girlfriends... He says no. So how should I feel about that? PISSED because he cheated ON ME?... Or should I feel some sort of comfort that he CAN be committed?  I am disgusted, I am hurt & I feel like he doesn’t understands just how badly he fucked up or how much he has killed me. It’s so hard to think that my precious little bundle moving around inside me will be shared with a man I don’t even know if I can ever trust again. How could he not apologize? How could he not try to fix it last night?

So where am I here?

If you’re on my twitter you probably know dinner never really worked out so I didn’t eat last night & then found out all the bullshit that has been going on behind my back. It’s 7:10 am & I can feel my lil guy moving around, I feel nauseous, have a ridiculous headache, still have killer back pain & pelvic pain & I can’t stop crying. I have no one to call or go to so I’ll spend the day here doing our laundry & probably crying, hopefully I’ll be able to eat something at some point as I know I should but at the moment that is just not going to happen. I think I’ll attempt to go back to sleep & just pray that he can somehow prove himself? Somehow fix this? So that I can somehow move on for the sake of my son... I am so lost & don’t know where to even begin to attempt to find my way out.

Final thought... More of a final question

Is it true... Once a cheater always a cheater? I hope not.