I can only take so much

 

How

How can someone say they love you & that they want to be with you when they cant even give you a real apology for hurting you? How can someone look you in the eye, look at your face full of tears & not give you some sort of an emotional response? How can he come home & act as if he has done nothing at all. How can a person not feel any guilt over doing something to not only their partner but their unborn child?

Hurting

There are no words to explain how much agony I am in over this… There is in no way enough words to tell you how much I have cried… There is nothing I can think of that compares to potentially losing a family that was never given the chance to be. This would be hard to deal with under any circumstance, let alone at 35 weeks pregnant … I am on the biggest emotional rollercoaster I have ever been on & this just adds a few more hundred feet to the drop, a few more upside down loops to the track… Between the excitement over meeting my son & the pain I am going through with his father I honestly don’t know how to feel… It’s kind of numb right now… Tear soaked face, a heart that literally hurts… I should not be sitting here like this at just about 9 months pregnant.

Please don’t judge

I know a lot of my Twitter Mama’s have been saying things like “Leave” “Get away from that you deserve better” … I KNOW!!! I can’t tell you all enough that I KNOW… I can’t… Only someone in my situation would truly understand this… There are a lot of things holding me back from just up & leaving… Plain & simple I can’t leave until after the baby is here cause I’m too far along & do not want to switch care again, not to mention I deserve the birth I want & with God as my witness I am going to get it. Forgive me if I have high hopes that he will eventually understand what a jack ass he has been & will man up apologize the way he should… Forgive me for wanting him to change & thinking it may potentially happen. Don’t judge me for wanting him & loving him still, you can’t tell me it’s easy to let go… It’s not